Last Episode (4)
Deep down within, I was insecure and still nursed the fear of the future (unknown) based on the past(known). My doctor said that would wane with time. Asides engaging in Church services, she also advised I listen to soul-lifting music and read inspirational books. She said for a woman in her early thirties, I was too young to live a single for the rest of life. Aside needing a man that would serve as companion, my child, being a male would need a male figure he could look up to. So, she advised I give chance to another man, a good and disciplined man. That was the toughest I had to do. Changing my orientation wouldn’t happen over night, however, I worked at it and got better bit by bit.
Of the many men that came my way, I eventually settled for one, one who would later reincarnate my ugly past and shatter my dreams.
About three years down the line, I felt it was high time I introduced him to my son who had grown to age 9. But I wasn’t going to do that without first preparing my son's mind and finding out if he was ready for another father.
At a time, I won a major case, was promoted at my place of work, and presented a brand new car. “This is a milestone achievement, it calls for celebration,” said my man-friend. He took me to a topnotch restaurant and gave me a treat. From there, we headed to my house. On settling in, he brought out a bottle of champagne, popped and made a toast to more achievements and a great future together with a chink of our tumblers. I knew he did mild alcohol, but he was no drunk. However, in the euphoria of the moment, he drank too much and became tipsy. One thing led to another and we got between the sheets. As usual, I was on top controlling the rhythm and moves. All of a sudden, he turned me over and pinned my hands down. The psychology session must have had its toll on me. if not, I would have revolted. For the first time, I let a man run the affair of things, it felt so strange but it wasn’t bad after all.
As pleasure heightened to its climax, we both got enthralled in the ecstasy of the moment. All of a sudden, I felt we were being watched, that kind of feeling you get when some creepy eyes are piercing your skin. I opened my eyes in a moment, and there was a lonely figure standing in the doorway. Could my imagination be playing a fast one on me? My son should be on excursion, what was he doing at home by that time of the day?
On realizing history was about repeating itself, my body language changed. I struggled to get my man-friend off me but my strength was no match for the energy he exerted. Like my mother back then, I also heard myself scream ‘my son is watching,’ over again. Guess he was caught up somewhere in the cloud and seemed not to hear. My son must have read my distress, he moved over and tried pushing him off me. Just then, he opened his eyes. The next thing I saw, he shoved my son aside and the boy hit the floor. My Son was what mattered most to me. The whole of me screamed ‘how could you?’
In a twinkling of an eye I saw him flash my father’s cold face. I didn’t know when my free hand went for the bedside lamp and made for his head. I had struck him many times before I got a grip on myself. “Why do you always show up in my life to ruin things?” I said each of those times as though I was hitting my father. I may be troublesome, but had not for once gone physical. Ordinarily, that couldn’t have been me, that must have been my father acting out against himself through me.
Too bad I ended up traumatizing my son than imagined. He stared in shock at the man in the pool of his blood. I pulled the sheet over the corpse, so as to lessen the effect of the experience, then I called the police on myself. Knowing I would be taken in, I also called our Church pastor so as to have my son in safe hands. The case was charged to court. One of the best hands amongst my colleagues represented me.
Judging from the dent on the right side of my man-friend's head, the prosecuting counsel was able to put forward to the court that the case was that of murder, a premeditated act which resulted from a fallout I had with him about two weeks before. He brought in witnesses to buttress his submission.
Stating a ‘no record’ in history of violence, my defence counsel also proved the act as an aftermath of provocation which led to my loss of self-control. A mother ventilating a natural, sudden, contemporaneous feeling of anger on seeing her son knocked down by a man who was suppose to be a friend. My son's bruised elbows, which resulted from being forcibly pushed to the floor was used as evidence.
My lawyer was able to mitigate the case from murder to manslaughter. In the long run, I was sentenced to life imprisonment.
It all looked like a nightmare till I was moved to a prison, locked in one of its cells with 5 other inmates dressed in similar uniform like mine.
Though I had always known what life imprisonment meant, its reality just dawned on me.
Of what use was a timepiece or a date-chart, since it was a journey from the now to the afterlife.
As each dawn turned to dusk, I kept asking myself what my life was worth.
I couldn’t help shedding tears countless times.
How more could life be unfair ?
All I had worked hard for, all I had lived for, all I ever treasured was suddenly snatched overnight. To imagine I won’t be there to watch my son grow into a man killed me softly. The justice I had upheld all my life has now been used to cage me in. My body that mattered the world to me met with some treatments, so terrible I gave up on it. Each day that seemed like a year prepared it for wrinkles and greys.
The thought of having lost all gnawed at my inside many times, I often wished I got a death sentence instead of that hellhole.
The pastor had taken my son into his home to live with him and family. He often brought my son along to pay visits. That was what kept me alive as I lived longing for the next visit.
At a time he brought me a bible and some inspirational books. It was as though the man was preparing me for the hereafter, as one was titled ‘From here to Eternity’, another titled ‘Light beyond the tunnel’.
I had always loved reading, but not religious books. I was used to those big, encyclopedia kind of legal textbooks.
But what option has a prisoner got? I sat with the bible and began studying. Ohhh!, how the holy scriptures bored me silly, it bored so much I dumped it under the bunk many times. But idleness kept sending me back to it till it became my companion.
Fate also forced meditation on me. Laid still on my bed, in the dead of the night, while other inmates are asleep, I was always caught up in deep thought. Those words studied during the day often crept into my mind verse by verse to be further broadened beyond the letters.
In the midst of my roaming thoughts one of those nights, I silently questioned what my life was worth as usual, “Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows,” dropped on my mind. Though a timely and ideal response, they were just words I read about 3 days ago from the gospel according to saint Matthew, chapter 10, so I thought. Never knew that was one of God's numerous ways of speaking to his children; through his written words. A few set followed that sent me to my knees in submission and awe of him. They were so audible it was as though he had addressed all inmates. But the words were personal it was obvious they were meant just for me.
“Dorcas my daughter, let go and let God,” he said loud and clear.
Me? He addressed a wretched sinner like me by name? Even called me his', I was so overwhelmed.
Before then, I also believed I was a Christian. After all, I attended Church, never knew it was way beyond that, never knew it was a personal walk with Christ, a life of total surrender and commitment. It was in the four walls of that prison bar that I truly saw the light and met the Lord Jesus Christ, the path to eternity. Then I came to a significant understanding of one of the books the Pastor brought. The one titled ‘From Here to Eternity’.
I had been admonished to ‘let go and let God’, that was no child’s play. I struggled with myself for weeks. But a moment came at last when I wholeheartedly submitted to his will. God must have been waiting for my decision because something pleasantly strange began happening in and through me after. I could hear God for myself and many others. That became a source of hope, comfort and encouragement. I became favorably disposed to almost everyone, including the Warders. We began setting some minutes for fellowship at crack of dawn each day. It first started with a group of my five cellmates. With time, some other inmates joined one after another.
Being a permanent resident, I saw many believing inmates come to the end of their jail term, whom like a pastor, I encouraged and sent into the world to keep spreading their faith. New ones also came in at different times whom I shared the faith with.
It was another independent day, my 16th one in prison. The State Governor decided to exercise his power of prerogative of mercy. Based on good conduct, the Superintendent and Warders recommended I and some other inmates to the Governor.
It all felt like a dream when I was granted full, State unconditional pardon. I recalled the other book ‘Light beyond the tunnel’, and realized it was meant for a time like that. I broke down in awe of this great God.
Those years spent in incarceration were reformative for me.
After I regained my freedom, I made sure I constantly checked on believers I left behind in order to strengthen their faith. With time, that became more of a ministry.
The Pastor along with the entire church. received me back with love. They were amazed at how God can turn around a seemingly hopeless situation .
My greatest joy was the kind of man my son had grown into, a God-fearing, loving and confident man. My joy knew no bounds when I later realised he had found a soulmate in the Pastor's endearing daughter, the two lovebirds had grown fond of each other.
Sometimes later, the elders of the church perceived the grace of God upon my life and made me one of the marriage counsellors. My experience brought hope to marriages teetering on the brink of breakup, mended broken homes. I became a repairer of breaches, builder of old waste places, restorer of ancient ruin; the desolation of many generations.
THE END.
Olagoke Ajanaku
(Many thanks to Abisola Adiyeloja and Damilola Oyeniyi).
©2017
0 comments:
Post a Comment