APRIL FOOLS' DAY

Ralph Okunoren was never going to get over his loss. His last 4 birthdays turned death days had been all by himself, shut away from all of existence. But the 5th one came with a little difference, he’d the only girl he ever loved—Olakiitan Ekundayo to share this reclusive, melancholic date with.

The door clicked open.

Lights flipped on.

Happy birthday!
Ralph almost jumped out of his skin, startled by the jubilant voices and happy faces of his colleagues who filled the living room of his rented self-contained apartment. He looked as though he'd caught sight of Medusa's face as his popped-out eyeballs swarmed about them: from his head of operations--Mr. J. T. Thompson; a fair, lanky, middle-aged man flanked on both sides by two ladies in his department holding a glass of blue cocktail, to Femi Ishola; the best overall staff of the previous year. To his extreme right was Mrs. Susan Effiong, his supervisor.  Mixed of colleagues from his department and others pitched around- more than thirty people in all.
There in the middle was beautiful Olakiitan, grinning at him with eyes full of admiration. He knew she must be the brain behind the whole getting colleagues together to spring a surprise birthday party. How she got them to keep mum amazed him. He’d interacted with a good number of them earlier at the office, not one spilled the beans.
Kiitan walked over to him, lean on her toes to place a peck on his right cheek, and whispered in his ear. They moved and settled him in a couch close to the glassy center-table that bore the creamy-chocolate cake she’d ordered. Either her words or the arm-in-arm forward prod—one of the two had done the magic that unglued him from where he stood stuck a few steps away from the entrance. Everyone could understand why he sat looking blown; he'd been met with a shocking surprise. While kiitan went for his favorite fruit juice; Chi-Exotic pineapple flavor, colleagues showered him with wishes to shake off the feeling and draw him into the euphoria of the moment. It was his day. He soon loosened up with a smile of appreciation that brightened up his face and a genial demeanor fit for the occasion.That was his usual self. However, not today. All that was a façade to mask out what ran through his mind. Deep within, he fought hard if to tell them it was not his birthday or not. He wondered if stating the truth right there was the wise thing to do.

What if I make April fool of the occasion? Nah--Nah—Nah. That would make a real fool of my girl…

He’d gotten away with murder all this while. But for kiitan who blew it big this time, he wouldn’t have been haunted in his thought. That moment, he concluded she was the only one he owed the truth.

It all started last year, the first Friday in April, which happened to be the first day of the month. It was Ralph’s birth-month, but not his birthday. That cool, breezy morning was ushered in with drizzles. It was a hectic drive to Western Avenue, Surulere, Lagos where his office was located. He touched the entrance to the 5-story building at a quarter of 9. Though behind resumption time, he couldn’t be more elated he’d come through Oyingbo.
A shipping container had fallen along Ojuelegba, blocking half the road. That was his preferred route. If he’d used it, perhaps his colleagues would be going on lunch break, when he’d just be arriving.
Driving his blue Volkswagen Audi past the security post, he nodded in response at the officer on duty who'd waved at him, and eased into the parking lot. Turning off the engine, he stepped out of the car, hurried into the glassy building. From the entrance hall, he went for the elevator. To that point, nothing unusual had happened. He soon arrived the 3rd floor, where the IT firm that employed his services as a computer analyst was located. As he stepped off the elevator, Mr.George Onitiri; the company’s computer engineer stepped in.

“Hi, Buddy,” said the average height, pot-bellied man in a large frame. Ralph was just about responding when the man added impatiently, “Happy birthday man. Just off to the other branch on an official duty, should be back in no time. Keep mine of the day's goodies,” he said as the revolving door closed in on him.
Engineer Onitiri was a chain smoker who also favored liquor. As Ralph walked off to his department, he wondered if the man was already high on something that early morning.
Entering into the office space, his colleagues were busy at their various cubicle. He’d barely settled at his desk when Chuks Bassey, a heavily accented calabar man in his early forties came over to his desk and dropped a file.

“This is from Pam & Paul consultant. The Boss lady wants it delivered to her desk before noon after you have crosschecked,” he said. He'd turned to leave when he halted and returned.

“I was almost forgetting, Happy birthday Ralph,” he said, “do have a blast,” he added.

Happy birthday? a blast…is this some sort of joke or what?

As he watched him stroll over to his desk, he was about calling him to clarify things but his tongue did a last minute recoil. He couldn’t exactly figure why…perhaps because the man was the oldest at the department or because he was assigned to put him through the running of things around there when he got employed 6months back.

First it was Engineer George Onitiri, now Mr. Chuks Bassey wishing him happy birthday.
What’s going on around here?
Then he remembered it was the first day of the month and concluded the two must be up to some pranks.

His HP desktop had finished booting and he was keying in the password to the soft copy of the file before him, when Mrs.Susan Effiong walked in. A dark, petite woman with a streak of gray on a side of her Pixie cut hairstyle, dressed in a bottle green skirt suit and a befitting black high heel. Her graceful steps made impression on the floor as she approached.

“Mr.Ralph Okunoren, see me in my office right away,” she said with striking firmness.

Ralph knew he was in for it. The boss lady hardly leaves her seat except for serious matters, matters that ends in tongue-lash more often than not. She still had sharp eyes pinned on him like a lioness gunning for its prey when her stoned-face countenance suddenly dissolved into a smiley.
“By the way, happy birthday to you,” she said.

What! This for sure is no April fool.

“Team-9, let's celebrate one of our own,” she announced.
From his desk at the right-hand corner to the end of the room, Mr.Femi Ishola bellowed the famous ‘happy birthday to you…’, and the 7 others joined in. Ralph was hot flushed with confusion that melted into embarrassment. He couldn’t believe what was happening to him, he’d no explanation for it either. As they went on to sing him ‘for he's a jolly good fellow…’ he switched to a hyperventilating mode. Their voices sounded like many distance echoes in his ears. He was about losing his mind when the felicitation ended. After he’d waited few minutes for Mrs.Susan Effiong to settle in, he went into her office. She was on a call. Following the motioned direction of her hand, he sat on the seat across her.

“I was going to serve you a warning letter for coming late, but decided to go easy on you because it's your day,” she said as she ended the call. Ralph froze shiftless and speechless in the luxurious ergonomic chair.

“Guess you are wondering how I knew, you included your date of birth in your CV. We happened to share the ram sign-- Aries. Mine is coming up in 3days time, so it was easy to keep in mind,”she went further.

Still, that doesn’t explain the confusion that gnawed heavily on him. But he now knows where to look to clear his befuddled mind.

“Did you get the file I sent?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I want to have the report asap.”

“Alright ma’am.”

“Enjoy your day,” she said as he was leaving the office.

“Thank you ma’am,” he managed.

Closing the door behind him, he dragged in some air in relieve. But this feeling was short-lived as he stepped back into the office—into an arena of cut wishes that flew across the room at him. He survived the walk to his desk without tripping. Pressing his heels against his aching temple, he willed hard to focus. The file sprawled over his desk stared him in the face, seeking attention, but he couldn’t get himself to go on without an answer to the questions floating through his mind. On the desktop, he went for the folder that'd his personal details, clicked and fetched his curriculum vitae. There at the top, right hand corner was his date of birth—01, April, 1987.

Gush!

Though for about 4 years now, his birthday had lost significance, but he couldn’t believe he’d typed 01 instead of 10.
“Hi birthday boy!”

He tilted his head and before him was Olakiitan Ekundayo—a fair, average height, hell of a beauty, geek of an analyst young lady in her mid-twenties.

“So you didn’t plan letting us know about it? Anyway, lunch is on me. Best of wishes,”she said. Ralph admired her hourglass shape as she walked leisurely to her desk.
Before then, they’d been to the beach,he’d taken her to the movies, drawn her close, tipped her chin and kissed her full on the lips—all in his head.
As slippery as  jelly, Kiitan was no easy catch. He’d sent bouquets of flowers to her residence, wrapped her a special gift the last valentine’s day, bombarded her phone with texts expressing his interest in her—how better can one woo a lady?   As much as he was determined not to give up the chase, it was as though Kiitan was bent on sweating him out. He’d asked her out on a date many times, all of which she declined. One coming from her was the least of his expectations.
The whole mixed up thing had felt like a dream, a scary one he was pondering how to escape. As it is, he hoped never to wake up from it.
April fool’s day, his mistaken birth date turned out to be his charm day. He wasn’t ready to ruin the lucky moment, so he decided to play along.

True to her words, she gave him a lunch treat at an exquisite Chinese restaurant. That was their beginning of a romantic adventure.
The last one year had been fun—filled with dates, outings together, gifting, and like a penguin who found his mate and so meant to stay together for the rest of their lives, Ralph and Kiitan were all over each other.
Kiitan was the only one who could have said a thing about birthday, but since she never mentioned it, Ralph avoided the topic, enjoying their love ride till she shocked him with the surprise birthday party.

10th of April finally arrived with a thick gloom that settled only on Ralph Okunoren's self-contained apartment. This day, If he isn't at the office sweating his ass out before his desktop working, he’d be home all by himself boozing away.

Since the birthday party, Kiitan noticed Ralph had become quiet and withdrawn. The couple of times she asked if anything was wrong, he just shrugged off, head-in-the-sand syndrome.

When he didn’t show up at the office, Kiitan became disturbed. She dialled his mobile line many times. It rang, but he didn’t pick. At that, she lost concentration. Towards noon and still no hold of him, she could bear it no longer. She asked Busola Bashua; the closest of her colleagues, whose cubicle was next to hers to cover up for her to take a break. She needed not go into epistle of reason, her pale face coupled with the sudden tiny, pimple-like sprouts on her skin said it all.

On getting to Ralph’s residence, his car was parked right outside his apartment. She walked past it to his entrance. First, she tapped lightly on the steel door. With no response, she knocked harder. After the reverberating bang, everywhere went still as before. Through the silky curtains draped over his living-room's window, she caught a transparent sight of lit bulbs and the twirling movement of the ceiling fan. Then she pounded the door. A sharp pain in her fist brought her to a halt met by graveyard silence that emanated from Ralph’s apartment. Disorienting thoughts surfaced on her mind. She was about trying his number for umpteenth time when she remembered she has a spare key to his exit door. Fumbling through her purse for like eternity, she eventually fetched out a one-piece metal key.
She leaped to the door, shoved the key into the pinhole, and let herself. Everywhere was quiet and dark, she could hear her shoes squeaking on the short, narrow passage to an intersection that’d his bedroom to the right and the guestroom to the left. Straight ahead was the living-room, the only illuminated space in the apartment. On entering, she was irritated by a pungent, engulfing stench. She screamed in shock on sighting a figure in sleeveless blue T-shirt and khaki short lying face down on the rug. An incredible rush brought her to knees, arched over him.

“Ralph! Ralph!!” she called, tapped and shook his log-like body.

He grunted, raised his head at her, revealing a pair of red, drowsy eyes.

“Maggie, why do you have to leave me,” he slurred, let out a belch of fermentation and slept off.

Maggie?

She wondered who that was.

The repulsive smell in the air had become unbearable. She lounged to her feet, went for the sliding windows, opened and hung its drawn curtains at both end. The room was in a mess—couch shifted out of place, throw pillows scattered all over. She wondered where to start with the cleaning up. By his head was an empty bottle of squadron. As she bent to pick, she noticed another, lurking in a corner nearby.
Although Ralph did mild alcohol, she’d never seen him drink himself to stupor.
She concluded Ralph owed her some explanations. She needed an answer to what was happening with him of recent and was bent on not leaving till she’d gotten one—a reasonable one this time.
On clearing the bottles to the kitchen, she found dirty dishes in the sink, washed and set them in the dish rack. By the time she was done with rearranging the living-room furniture, she was sweaty and tired. She made for a couch across Ralph to get some rest. With head tilted against the backrest, weary legs stretched out and folded over each other, she closed her eyes as all kinds of thoughts poured on her mind unbidden. Her eyes blinked open at a sudden movement. She thought Ralph had come awake, but he only shifted for a better sleeping position. She was about drifting back, when she noticed a white substance sticking out from underneath him. Spurred by curiosity, she went over for a clearer view, and discovered it was a picture. She raised his body slightly, pulled out the 5by7 piece, and got the shock of her life. As though she was deboned knee downwards, she crashed on her backside, still clasping the picture. Repeatedly, she looked from the picture to Ralph and it seemed to her she never knew the man she’d been intimately involved with for almost a year. Not only was there another woman in his life, but one so beautiful enough to rouse jealousy in her.
Ralph dressed in the same native attire with this dark, curvy woman was one; his pulling her tight to himself like some sort of inseparable couple was another that was running her crazy. She stared down at him in anger, wanting to shake him into consciousness and coherence, but managed to keep her cool. She was still lost in wonder when Ralph stirred awake. His hangover shook off completely when he saw kiitan seated by his side, holding a picture.

“Oh no, Baby, I can explain.”

“Explain what? That I’d been the side-chick all this while?”

“That’s not true. Kiitan, you are getting it all wrong.”

“Really? Put me right then, you lying two-timer. By the way, who is Maggie?”

There was a moment silence with just the sound of the wall clock as its hands ticked away.

“Now you are dumbfounded. How long do you think you could pull off your dirty, little secret before it blows open?”

“Maggie is no secret.”

“I bet she is not. No wonder you called out her name in your sleep.”

“Baby, give me a chance to at least explain.”

“Ralph, get on with whatever you’ve got to say. Just remember it’s no dunce sitting before you while you are at it.”

“The Lady in the picture is Maggie. Maggie was my twin sister.”

Kiitan gaped, hot air poured out of her mouth.

“I am Kehinde, Margaret was my Taiwo. That’s a picture of our 23rd birthday. Since we were kids, we have made a tradition of celebrating our birthdays together. Maggie wasn’t going to let that year be any different. Even though she was preparing to write a professional exam the following day, she wasn’t going to miss it for anything. On a day like this, our birthday,” he paused for a moment, swallowed hard as though pushing down a morsel, then continued.

“She traveled down from University of Ilorin, to return the same day. She didn’t make it back safely; I lost her in a ghastly motor accident.”

Kiitan didn’t see that coming, it hit her like a bullet through her chest. She gazed fixedly in shock as Ralph’s lips twitched and his face began crumbling. His firm voice cracked, grew faint and switched into vibrato.

“Today is exactly 5years since death made a miserable life of whatever I have got left. Oh, Maggie, life hasn’t been the same without you. Never knew seeing you off to the garage that black Friday and waving you goodbye was the last I’d see of you. Why couldn’t you wait till the following day before traveling back? Why did you board that white, Godforsaken marcopolo bus? Why did you have to leave me? Why!”
At that, he broke down in tears. Kiitan drew closer to him, cradled his head over her bosom, and rocked like a little child.
She’d never seen Ralph in such sorry state. A trickle of tears escaped the corners of her glistening eyes. As Ralph went on sobbing uncontrollably, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Her dam broke and they cried aloud on each other.

In the succeeding quietude, Kiitan was doing a mental recap of this major addendum that made her man seem strange and new when she met with a roadblock.

“Ralph,” she called softly, “did you say today marks exactly 5years since the incidence?”
Ralph knew this moment would eventually come, but never thought it could creep in unplanned. Least of all in this tensed atmosphere. Since the surprise birthday party, he’d shied away from setting things right. He wasn’t willing to complicate things between them anymore. Half-minding what could result from it, he raised his head, looked her straight in the eyes, and bloated out the whole truth.
Ralph wished he could read her mind as she gazed at him without the least of words. He never expected he’d be rewarded with a smile.

“Ralph, April first had no lucky charm to it. Before then, I’d hungered for your love and was beginning to starve. The lunch date was just me throwing you an open cheque.”

“Really?”

They both laughed as she nodded in response.

“uh!, my love, your breathe stinks,“ said Kiitan, flapping her hands at her contorted nostrils, as she moved to distance herself.

“Come here you sweet Angel,” he caught hold of her waist, drew into himself, and nibbled her earlobe. As though wanting to choke her, he puffed out some breath and tickled her. Kiitan laughed out wildly, wringing and brushing her velvety body against his. His blood went warm as she threw herself into his embrace rather than escape his grip. He plastered kisses on different points of her forehead, passed his palm lovingly over her sheeny, long hair.
With her head laid against the left side of his broad chest, she could hear his racing heartbeat go steady as they stared off into space wrapped in each other's arms.
           
             THE END
Olagoke Ajanaku                  @2019
Twitter handle: @OlagokeAjanaku
Gee4christ87@gmail.com