THE UNFORTUNATE MATCHMAKER(2)

THE UNFORTUNATE MATCHMAKER (2)😔😔

Duration: 4 minutes read.

My hands went into the air as she dug a knee in the bed and took off my singlet.

Thereon, I began rolling with Silvia.

He who has found a wife has found a good thing…

In this case, I was the one who had been found and chosen. Silvia met my basic needs. She paid for my house rent, bought me more clothes. We ate out most of the time. 

Silvia came from a home where she lifted no hand to do anything. She was served on a silver platter, got whatever she wanted at the snap of her fingers. Silvia suffered from last-born syndrome. She could stay cuddled in my arms all day. She shed tears at the slightest provocation. If mosquito bites, she would cry. Should she see wall gecko, she would scream. 

I was outside the house one day when I suddenly heard her scream. It was louder than ever I raced in with a rod hoping it wasn’t a snake.

“What…where is it?”

“My nail,” she bawled, stretching out her hand.

“What?”

“Can't you see the nail of my forefinger has broken?”

I deflated. The rod fell off my hand as I collapsed on the couch.

“Was that why you screamed?”

“Ohh, it’s not enough reason to? Jimmie, you are not caring.”

And that was it. Tears began streaming down her face. I pulled her over my laps and began petting and rocking. We were like that for the next two hours. 

Lanre knew about my Barbie doll girlfriend, and also about Lara who was the real deal. Lara and I met on campus, she was from a middle class family like myself, also an unemployed graduate. But she was so industrious she could sell anything for money. Besides catering, she sold female wears and accessories –clothes, shoes, bags, bracelets, ankle chain, earrings, necklaces, name it. She saved the profits she made from her merchandise in my account and never cared if I spent it. By Lara, we should have been married like yesterday. She believed I was enterprising and together we would make it through life. After I got the teaching job, what she expected next was that I walk her down the aisle. But no. Not until I get a good job, own a car, build a house or rent a standard one, make enough money to settle down and start a family.

                   

                                ***

Lanre was just getting up from bed when I placed a call through to him and narrated the mess in which I suddenly found myself.

“Guy, na serious yawa(trouble) be that. I no envy you at all.”

“I have given Lara your house address, she should be on her way. I told her she will meet my housemate, that I will soon join her.”

“What? Are you kidding me?”

“No. Haven’t you been listening to me? I couldn’t think of any other way out.”

“When will you come over? I might need to go out.”

“Relax, man. Where could my broke ass friend be going? We will only be meeting at your place, not like she has come to stay.”

“Please don’t be long.”

“I won’t.”

After making the call, I came into the room and there was Silvia still stretching and twisting.

“Jimmie love, I am feeling cold and stiff,” said Silvia a while after she awoke.

From massaging her feet, I went out to fetch a bucket of water, heated part of it and mixed. After taking her bath, she took her time to dress and make up as though she was headed for a photo shoot to appear on the  front page of a fashion magazine.

By noon, she finally let me off her hook till another time. I had stayed for over three hours. 

Lara would have been tired of waiting for me.

Lanre would have my head when he sets eyes on me.

I biked to his place. On entering his room, I met the two chatting and laughing heartily in-between. Lara leapt over and hugged me.

“Why did you take so long? Help me thank uncle Lanre for entertaining and keeping me company.”

Lara and Lanre were meeting for the first time. It appeared there wouldn’t be need for an introduction. I had intended to take her to an eatery. Lanre had given her a treat on my behalf, served her bread and sardine with yogurt.

Lara was majorly visiting her Aunt who lived in Lagos and just stopped by to see me. She decided she would stay the night and continue her journey the next day. Lanre left the house for us.

Lara left the following day. When we were later having our usual conversation, I told her never to spring a surprise visit on me again.

A couple of weeks after, she phoned to inform that her Aunt has asked her to come stay with her in Lagos. 

You needed to hear how excited she sounded.

Should I wag a tail?

Gosh! What’s all these?

“What about your customers? Even if you would be coming over, won't it take a month or two to clear things with them?

“What customers? Have you forgotten I told you business hasn't been booming in Ibadan like it used to be. I should be in Lagos by next week. Lagos, here I come.”

I'm in a deep shit.

By the time Lara arrived, I had beefed up my game. I played her as well as Silvia, made them night and day that never met.

Some times later, Silvia invited me to come catch a weekend cruise along with her girlfriends who also brought their boyfriends. I had never experienced such fun before. That Friday, we started at the beach. From there, we went for a boat ride, partied all night. In the guest house where we were lodged, I came out of a hangover the next day to see 13 missed calls notification on my phone. 11 had Lara's name tagged to it, and 2; Lanre.

My phone soon rang, it was Lanre calling.

“Guy, why haven’t you been picking your calls?”

“I didn’t hear it ring. Lanre the fun over here is maddening. I wish you had come along. I am chopping the life of my head.”

“Did you invite me? Anyway, bring something home for your boy. That's by the way. Your girl arrived a while ago. She said she has been calling your phone since yesterday but you haven’t been picking. Guy, Lara don turn Mario for my crib o, she has decided to stay till you return. But why have you been avoiding the babe of recent?”

“Is that what she told you?”

“Yes.”

“Lanre, don’t listen to girls’ antics. I still called her last week. Don’t mind Lara. I have my way of dealing with her. You know me naw. Let me get back to catching my fun. Talk to you later.”

Tripping about was planned for Saturday. We went to la campagne tropicana, the Place, Funtopia waterpark.  If it ever crossed my mind I would visit these places, I would have pushed the thought away.

On Sunday morning when we were set to return to our various destinations, I phoned Lanre. I was shocked when he said Lara had stayed over and was still waiting for me.

Has this girl gone crazy.

 

Lara was almost in tears when I showed up at Lanre's doorstep.

“My love, what happened to you?”

My right hand hung folded down my neck in a sling. My head was wound up in bandage. Extra packing at a couple of points gave swollen appearances. Gentian violet solution and iodine stains here and there created the expected effect. Lara rushed at me as I limped over to a couch. I opened my mouth to talk but coughed instead.

“Uncle Lanre!”

Lanre raced out of the bedroom and was shocked. I hadn’t let him into my trick.

“Jimmie, what happened to you?"

I managed to send him a wink before responding.

I told them I fell off a bike yesterday afternoon and was rushed to a nearby hospital.

“My love, why didn’t you call me so I can come stay with you?”

“I must have been given sleeping pills. I drifted off and didn’t wake up till this morning.”

“Have you eaten? What should I get for you?”

“Don’t worry, baby. What I need now is more rest. I will be fine. You should go home.”

“Okay. I will come back in the evening to check on you.”

“Alright. Thanks, Baby. Lanre, please help me into the bedroom.”

As I moved in on one foot and half, supported by Lanre, feeling smart, I didn’t know I had suchceeded in shooting myself in the foot.

I was whispering how I went by the stunt to Lanre in the bedroom when we heard Lara exclaimed, 

“Jimmie, who is Silvia?”

The next thing, she stormed into the bedroom, tossed my phone at me. I didn’t know I had left it at the living room.

“So, while you were on bedrest, you were also digging it with a girl on the dance floor?

Lara must have seen pictures and videos of Silvia and I glued waist-to-waist dancing sane and drunk.

She left the room in the same manner she came in.

The table turned around. I was now the one calling and Lara not picking. This went on for two days.

Things would have been easy if she was living alone. I had visited and met her aunt a couple of times who had been seeing me as her prospective in-law. 

I turned to Lanre to please phone her. Hopefully, she would pick his call. After many tries, at last, she responded. Lanre pacified and interceded. We got back together again.

Thereafter, I deleted everything that had to do with Silvia from my phone. Resaved her name with ‘Carpenter.’

Few weeks later, One Wednesday afternoon, Silvia and I had stepped out of a hotel and were walking over to her car at the parking lot when I heard a familiar voice called from behind.  

“Jimmie!”

I turned around to see Lara.

When she arrived Lagos, her Aunt connected her with traders who were into seafood business. She supplied fresh shrimps, prawns, lobsters, snails and the likes from the port to eateries, canteens and hotels. Coincidentally, she was at the hotel to make supplies.

“This harlot again?”

“And who is this nitwit?

Lara and Silvia exchange more insults. I stood in-between them like a referee, turning here and there, pacifying.

“Jimmie, will you just stand there while she insult me?” said Silvia.

When she saw I didn’t do nor say anything except to keep on pacifying her, she turned and walked over to her car.

“Jimmie, I thought you have changed,” Lara said and also walked away.

Like a streetlight by a T-junction, I stood rooted to a spot.

Who do I follow?

A while ago, Silvia was on the phone with her father who informed her of a job opening in one of his friends company. He was going to send the necessary details so I could start the next day. At the thought of this, I went after Silvia with no hesitation.

Silvia and I came from two different worlds, not just homes. Right from the outset, we both knew nothing serious could come out of the relationship. She was in it for my company, and I; for meal tickets. After the incident, she distanced herself from me. However, she was true to her promise, I got the job.

Back I was at the cycle—calling and Lara not picking her phone. She wasn't replying to texts either. At a point, my calls were diverted to voicemail.  After countless tries to no avail, again, I turned to Lanre to intercede. She listened to him but said she needed a break. I never knew I had set the both of them up the more. The reality dawn on me when I stumbled on their IV on Instagram some months after. Please don’t ask me how I took the news. For me to have attempted suicide, I leave the journey to that point to your imagination. The job I got came with an official car, a monthly salary of ₦250,000 asides basic allowances. Within a short period, I rented a house in a choice area in Victoria Island. This is the life I have always wanted. But like a pot of cooked rice without salt, so it is without Lara. If I could turn back the hands of time… 

©2021

Eruditegoks.

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